Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
