No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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