party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
