i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
im about as happy as oj after his trial
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
