you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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