I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
