I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
