She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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