those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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