my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
