Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
