im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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