Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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