She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
