you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
