my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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