And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
