im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
