Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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