1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
