so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
