I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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