Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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