Umm I'm too high to move.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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