Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
