Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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