Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
