Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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