i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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