Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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