I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
