When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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