These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
