peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
