Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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