grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm always down for nudity.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
