Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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