put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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