All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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