I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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