You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
