I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
