My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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