You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
