dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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