He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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