just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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