Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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