About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
