Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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