ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
