Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
