Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
